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Last of the Mohicans

It's time to break some Unvaulted rules. Normally I write about movies that you likely haven't seen, but right now I am going to make an exception, because you probably have seen Last of the Mohicans. But I need to write about it anyway.

Picture me in a yellow shirt and black eye makeup, nursing a beer in a dark North Shore Massachusetts bar. Some older guy is chatting me up, but he leaves for a moment. And in that moment, his friend and loyal wingman steps in to advocate for his buddy: "You know Daniel Day Lewis' Indian brother in Last of the Mohicans? That's how I feel about that guy."

It just so happens I do know about Daniel Day Lewis' Indian brother in Last of the Mohicans. (One of my college friends used to refer to him as Daniel Day Lewis' Hot Indian Brother, which is a bit more exact.) I know all about him, and all about every other character and relationship and plot turn in that movie. I have seen Last of the Mohicans about 8 billion times, and that started long before I worked here. It's one of my favorite movies.

Last of the Mohicans is an epic romance set against a backdrop of brutal violence. The cinematography is stunning, and the score is romantic and stirring and always works to elevate the action. The relationships are complicated and compelling, and the plotting is careful and yet driven. I'm an American history junkie and I just eat it up. The moment when they get together: a perfect 10 out of 10. Plus there's plenty of slow motion running and head bashing to keep the romance in its place - just how I like it. And in an environment that asks the characters to contend with too much, to overcome too much, to watch too many loved ones fall off mountains and die, the hope of the power of a new relationship carries the heroes through in the end. And then I cry. Unless I'm at work. I try not to be too weepy at work.

So what a lucky coincidence for that guy, right? That he chose to illustrate his bro love and try to elevate my esteem of his pal with a reference to one of my all time favorite movies. Well, I was certainly a bit amused that this movie - of all movies - could spawn some sort of wingman shorthand for "You should do my friend." But as amused as I was, his friend wasn't that lucky.
 
He was no Hot Indian Brother.